Oy....Tomorrow I will have Three 4 year olds....

I seriously feel like they should NOT be 4 yet, but at the same time I'm thinking, man....each year older they get I age by 10.  It's been a really rough 4 years, full of ups and downs (mostly downs).  We've struggled with them being born early, having NEC and Strep B infections in the NICU.  Then the girls w/ their brain damage, and then the biggie- Infantile Spasms.  Then the Cerebral Palsy diagnoses....Now Ayva is still struggling with seizures still, and both the girls are still so behind developmentally.  It has been rough to see the life you imagined for your kids (and yourself) day by day slipping away and being replaced with one you never dreamed you would have to cope with.  Now, dance classes, going to the park, and even going to (a regular) school has been replaced with doctor appointments, therapies, and special needs schools.

I've also become to hate some of the things I thought weren't so bad before-- like the saying "God only gives you what you can handle."  Just because I can handle this (I really can't) doesn't mean I want to, you know?  I'd rather be weak and not have to watch my children suffer on a daily basis.

I'm also a little shocked about my "friends".  I thought I had some good friends who really were there for me.  As soon as the triplets were born, a few (almost instantly) distanced themselves.  I guess I can understand that it might be overwhelming for someone who doesn't/didn't have any kids at the time to be a little apprehensive at the time--but I stick to the saying "A true friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out."  and I really feel like a few of my "friends" walked out the day the triplets were born.  Which is sad.

Anyway, enough of my sad over-dramatic ramblings......Tomorrow is the day- B-Day.  Hopefully I will have time to post a birthday post, but for now I will post a few pics of the trio's first few years!

1 month old- still in the NICU (Anna, Justin, Ayva)


The car ride home from the hospital (Ayva, Justin, Anna)


2 months old (Anna, Ayva, Justin)


3 months old (Justin, Anna, Ayva)


4 months old (Ayva, Justin, Anna)


5 months old (Anna, Justin, Ayva)


6 months old (Anna, Justin, Ayva)


7 months old
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8 months old
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9 months old (pink-Ayva, Justin, yellow-Anna)


10 months old  (Ayva, Justin, Anna)


11 months old (Ayva, Anna, Justin)


1 year old


1 1/2 years (Anna, Ayva, Justin)  I hate this picture because it shows how awful Ayva feels on the awful drugs for IS :(


2 years (Anna, Avya, Justin)


2 1/2 years (Anna, Ayva, Justin)


3 years (Anna, Ayva, Justin)


3 1/2 years (Anna, Ayva, Justin)