I am one proud Mama.....and a sad one...

My strong baby girl, Anna, sat up all by herself today!!!! Usually she can sit by herself, but leans WAY over and ends up biting her toes. But not today- today she sat up like SUCH a big girl! I was SOOOOO proud of her. I unfortunatly had a memory pop into my head of about this time LAST YEAR of a picture I took of her learning to sit up. She was 6 months back then, and was doing excellent on her milestones (they all were). I can remember back to that time and thinking how wonderfully everything was going- only to have our worlds rocked by Infantile Spasms. I remember how content I was in that moment. Seeing all three of my miracle babies learning, growing. They could almost sit, they could follow objects with their eyes, they could hold their heads up.... and 2 months later, all that was taken from them quicker than an instant. My heart aches when I think at how happy our lives were. Blissfully naive.

And then of course I came across some pictures of Ayva from April 2008. She was so awake. I just look at her eyes then and it truely make me so sad. I just sat and cried while I stared at her. Beautiful innocence.

Then something changed. Seizures made her a whole different person. She didn't have that innocent look anymore- it was more of a confused-soul look. I feel like I could see her asking me "Why? Why Momma?"

She was learning to sit too.....

But now my baby is back. Each day I see more of the old Ayva coming back. It will take time. Some serious time. It is like she is starting all over again. Learning, doing, feeling...

Hopefully with time she will be the happy little girl I always wished she would be.